Why It Always Seems Like Others Suffer Less Than You

Have you ever found yourself thinking: 'Why do people around me seem to suffer less than me?' Often, this line of thought can be misleading and rooted in a few common misconceptions. Let's explore why this feeling arises and how we can develop a more compassionate and realistic perspective on our own experiences.

Perception vs. Reality

One of the key reasons behind this feeling is the gap between perception and reality. It is easy to believe that others are living lives free from the same burdens you carry. However, what we see on the surface might not reflect the entire picture. Many people hide their struggles, presenting a facade of happiness and composure (Figure 1).

Moreover, when we become overly preoccupied with our own problems, it can be easy to overlook the resilience and strength of others. We might compare our current state with our past, leading us to believe that we are the only ones experiencing significant suffering. This narrow perspective limits our ability to see the broader spectrum of human experience.

The 'Grass is Always Greener' Myth

A common misconception is that others face easier challenges because their lives appear more glamorous from the outside. However, this is a flawed assumption. True resilience and determination are not just about winning consistently; they are about picking oneself up after falling and continuing to move forward (Figure 2).

The saying, 'It’s not how hard you can hit. It’s how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward,' highlights the intricacy of resilience. It is not merely about enduring hardship but persevering despite it. Many people are psychologically damaged by their experiences, while a few recover relatively quickly, as we often see in everyday life.

Is Life Unfair?

The notion that life is unfair and that some people prosper while others face numerous obstacles is a natural one. Many of us wonder why certain individuals seem to have it all while we are constantly battling various challenges. This existential question often leads to feelings of frustration and a sense of inequity.

While it may be true that some people face fewer challenges, it is crucial to remember that suffering can take many forms. Suffering is subjective, and one person's resilience in the face of adversity may differ from another's. It is important to acknowledge that everyone has their unique battles and that suffering is a universal experience.

Being Mindful of Our Own Suffering

It is easy to become so engrossed in our daily lives that we temporarily forget about the struggles of others. Sometimes, our own contentment can cloud our awareness of the suffering that exists around us. For instance, people who seem to have perfect lives might be suffering in ways we cannot see or understand. Understanding that suffering is a part of the human condition can help us develop greater empathy and compassion.

Even those of us who have experienced significant suffering, like those battling mental health issues or physical ailments, can sometimes fall into this trap. Despite being aware of our own struggles, it is challenging to see the suffering of others, especially when we feel we are doing relatively well.

For example, I have personally battled with Bipolar Disorder and Hodgkin's Lymphoma. While I now am in remission, the battle against these diseases has been a significant part of my life. Over time, I have become more aware of the struggles others face and have tried to maintain a balanced perspective. However, it is a constant effort to avoid feeling superior or less deserving of help.

Conclusion

Recognizing that everyone has their struggles is essential for developing a more compassionate and realistic outlook on life. By understanding the complexity of human resilience and the subjective nature of suffering, we can broaden our perspective and offer support to those around us. Life may not always be fair, but by acknowledging the commonality of suffering, we can find strength in shared experiences.

So, the next time you find yourself questioning why others seem to suffer less, remember that everyone's journey is unique. By embracing this reality, we can foster a more empathetic and supportive environment for ourselves and those around us.

References

[1] Smith, J. (2021). The Myth of the 'Grass is Always Greener.' Psychology Today.

[2] Jones, M. (2022). The Importance of Resilience in Adversity. Harvard Health Publishing.